Mr. Hoyt Axton Testifies About His Writing

Feb 20, '08 12:12 AM for everyone

The Court is now in session, Honorable Donald Wildmon presiding.

Judge: Be seated. Is the Prosecutor ready?

Prosecutor The State is ready, your honor.

Judge: Call your first witness.

Prosecutor The state calls Mr. Hoyt Axton.

Prosecutor For the record, please state your line of work.

HOYT AXTON I am a songwriter and singer.

Prosecutor: Are you aware of your rights under the Fifth Amendment.

HOYT AXTON I am.

Prosecutor Are you willing to waive those rights for purposes of this hearing?

HOYT AXTON I am

Prosecutor: Is it true you've smoked a lot of grass?

HOYT AXTON It is true, and O' Lord, I've popped a lot of pills.

Prosecutor: I want to remind you that you are under oath.

Prosecutor: What else did you do?
HOYT AXTON I never touched nothin' that my spirit could kill.

Prosecutor: Would you care to explain your alleged reluctance for those items?
HOYT AXTON You know, I've seen a lot of people walkin' 'round with tombstones in their eyes

Prosecutor Let the record show the defendant is speaking metaphorically.

HOYT AXTON Actually I was speaking euphorically, but we’ll do this your way.

Prosecutor: In your opinion, do you believe that the person responsible for this euphoria has any regrets about his alleged involvement?

HOYT AXTON The pusher don't care if you live or if you die

Prosecutor: If it were in your power to ask for assistance in dealing with this problem, whom would you ask?

HOYT AXTON God.
Prosecutor: And what would you suggest God do?

HOYT AXTON God, damn the Pusher

Prosecutor For the record, would you repeat your request?
HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man
Prosecutor: In your experience have you even known a female to participate in this activity”?
HOYT AXTON You know the dealer. The dealer is a man with the love grass in his hand

Prosecutor: Are you trying to insinuate that I personally am acquainted with this “dealer?”

Prosecutor: How does this “dealer” differ from the pusher?
HOYT AXTON Oh the pusher is a monster. Good God, he's not a natural man
Prosecutor: So you are you saying the pusher has artificially enhanced himself through HGH and other steroids, as have most professional athletes.

Prosecutor: Let’s proceed to the cost of engaging in this activity.

HOYT AXTON The dealer for a nickel will sell you lots of sweet dreams

Prosecutor: And this differs from the Pusher how?
HOYT AXTON The pusher ruins your body

Prosecutor: In your experience, has a person who engaged in this activity been able to discuss his experience later coherently?

HOYT AXTON Lord, he'll leave your mind to scream
Prosecutor: Again, for the record, please tell the court what you would suggest be done by a higher power, no matter what you perceive him to be?

HOYT AXTON God, damn the Pusher
Prosecutor: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Would you say it again?
HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man
Prosecutor Seeing as how this is an election year, what advice do you have for the candidates?
HOYT AXTON Well, now if I were the president of this land, you know, I'd declare total war on The Pusher man

Prosecutor: In the unlikely event that this was to take place, how would you handle the Pusher?
HOYT AXTON I'd cut him if he stands, and I'd shoot him if he'd run

Prosecutor: You would do that?

HOYT AXTON Yes.

Prosecutor: Anything else you would do?
HOYT AXTON I'd kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun
Prosecutor: Would you repeat one final time what you said earlier in reference to your Higher Power?
HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man
Prosecutor: I have no further questions, you may fall down