On the Campaign Trail

Gettysburg Address

Mitt Romney Style

It was just a decade ago when I had my last four scores, Since that time I have brought forth on this continent a new nation of ignorance, indifference, bigotry and apathy. I hold no misconception about and will not abide by the foolish notion that all men are created equal. I've known a lot of men, and trust me, folks, some were more equal than others. Way more equaller.



Now we are engaged in a great Conservative war. We are testing whether this nation or any nation that came up with the silly notion that liberals and commie tree huggers and the uninsurable are something which we must endure.



When I am elected president, I intend to turn this land into a great battlefield where all of us gun totin', God fearing, animal killing, gay bashing members of the Conservative Movement along with the Christian Coalition will wrest this country back from the scourge of Liberalism. So help us Joseph Smith!



We are dedicated to making a portion of this land the final resting place for those liberals who will give their lives so our dream can live. It is not fitting or proper tor them to live among us.



The world will little note nor long remember what I say here, but thanks to Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck and the Faux News Network it will live on in sound bites for centuries.


It is for us the conservatives to be dedicated to our cause, the removal of all those pesky trees, the killing of all those whales just taking up space and fouling our water and air.

Have you ever considered where whales poop? In the water! And how good can it be when they blow their old foul smelling breath out into the air after eating dead fish all day?

We resolve that these trees and animals shall not have died in vain. We intend to make huge profits from it until we have removed the last full measure of their existence from our planet.

This nation under Mittens shall have a new birth of narcissism and that the government of the Conservatives, by the Conservatives and for the neo-cons shall not perish from the earth, so help us BP.

This is what I stand for today, these are my goals and my values. Be sure to check back tomorrow since they are likely to change.

© Timothy D. Culey -MMX-