A Desert Trek
Bring me some water that I may sip
My lips are parched, my face hot
The sun is relentless, I must rest
I need to sit but know I can not
Send me an angel to wipe my brow
If you love me please tell me
I must rest, the sun is relentless
Confirm that our unity is we
Take my hand, lead me along the way
Lack of faith has made me weak
The sun is relentless, I must rest
Tell me our future is not too bleak
I surrender my soul unto God
I lack the strength to go on
I must rest, the sun is relentless
Please remember me when I am gone
© Tim Culey -2012-
This is an example of the ZaniLa Rhyme, a form which consists of 4 lines per stanza.
The rhyme scheme for this form is abcb and a syllable count of 9/7/9/9 per stanza.
Line 3 contains an internal rhyme and is repeated as the third line in each stanza but
the line is swapped.
The ZaniLa Rhyme has a minimum of 3 stanzas and no maximum poem length
You know, Tim, I like you a lot, but I find this poem frankly depressing.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it appears to be depressing. I think everybody who has glanced at my blog is fairly certain I know how to write a pun or other humor, so I have to avoid being stereotyped and do something now and then that is a little outside of the box.
ReplyDeleteA very popular genre of music in these parts is the Blues. BB King once said, "Some people think the Blues are depressing, but I think of it as a strong linament for whatever ails you. A good dose of the Blues is just what the Doctor ordered to get you feeling better."
Anyhow, this poem and the one about the emigrant were both written in response to a personal challenge by a friend. I challenged her to write them, she said, "You go first" so I did.
Have you ever read The Raven or any works of Edgar Alan Poe? Now THAT is depressing!(BTW the music is the Funeral March)
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I nodded, weak and weary
ReplyDeleteOver a volume of unreconstructed Poe
Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone loudly rapping
As of a gangsta loudly rapping
Outside my trembling door.
(I think I shall go on with this...)
Tim, this is a beautiful inspirational piece...it reconciles the subject to his mortality.
ReplyDeleteWhen it is time to rest God will take us home and hopefully, we will be remembered....
good job!
The pain of the rapping left me shakingTo my bed chamber in fear I ran quakingShout I, "What is this dissonance I so abhor?
ReplyDelete'Tis the ghost of Tupac, nothing more.Oh merciful God do cease this clamorIt beats on my skull like blows from a Hammer.
I learned a new type of rhyme! Was not familiar with this one.
ReplyDeleteYour words remind me that even in the desert we crave intimacy, reassurance.
Nice write :)
ReplyDelete