1. Once you have their money, never give it back
2. You can't cheat an honest politician, but it never hurts to try
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it
6. Never let family stand in the way of opportunity
7. Always keep you ears open
8. Keep count of your change
9. Instinct plus opportunity equals profit
10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one
11. Gold isn't the only thing that shines
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money
14. Anything stolen is pure profit
15. Acting stupid is often smart
16. A deal is a deal ... until a better one comes along
17. A bargain usually isn't
18. A Conservative without profit is no Conservative at all
19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion
20. When the lobbyist is sweating, turn up the heat
21. Never place friend ship before profit
22. Wise men can smell profit in the wind
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest
24. Never ask when you can take
25. Fear makes a good business partner
26. The vast majority of the rich in this country did not inherit their wealth; they stole it
27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down
28. Morality is always defined by those in power
29. When someone says "It's not the money," they're lying
30. Talk is cheap; alcohol costs money
31. Never make fun of a Conservative's mother
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the lobbyist expects
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss
34. War is good for business
35. Peace is good for business
36. Too many Conservatives can't laugh at themselves anymore
37. You can always buy back a lost reputation
38. Free advertising is cheap
39. Praise is cheap. Heap it generously on all constituents
40. If you see profit on a journey, take it
41. Money talks, but having a lots of it gets more attention
42. Only negotiate when you are certain to profit
43. Caressing an ego is often more forceful than pointing a weapon
44. Never argue with a loaded gun
45. Profit has limits. Loss has none
46. Prisons are full of people who trusted the wrong person
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than you own
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
49. Old age and greed will always overcome youth and talent
50. Never bluff a Republican
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