Revenge

Good evening everyone and welcome to WTIM FM 89.3 in Little Rock Arkansas, I’m Tim Culey. Tonight we have a special broadcast live from the Circuit Court in Little Rock where Mr. Hoyt Axton is currently testifying about what many feel is a means to get  revenge on drug dealers. Court is about to begin … let’s listen in to see what Mr. Axton has to say.

 

 

The Court is now in session, Honorable Donald Wildmon presiding.

 

Judge: Be seated. Is the Prosecutor ready?

 

Prosecutor The State is ready, your honor.

 

Judge: Call your first witness.

 

Prosecutor The state calls Mr. Hoyt Axton.

 

Prosecutor For the record, please state your line of work.

 

HOYT AXTON I am a songwriter and singer.

 

Prosecutor: Are you aware of your rights under the Fifth Amendment.

 

HOYT AXTON I am.

 

Prosecutor Are you willing to waive those rights for purposes of this hearing?

 

HOYT AXTON I am

 

Prosecutor: Is it true you've smoked a lot of grass?

 

HOYT AXTON It is true, and O' Lord, I've popped a lot of pills.

 

Prosecutor: I want to remind you that you are under oath.

 

Prosecutor: What else did you do?


HOYT AXTON I never touched nothin' that my spirit could kill

 

Prosecutor: Would you care to explain your alleged reluctance for those items?


HOYT AXTON You know, I've seen a lot of people walkin' 'round with tombstones in their eyes

 

Prosecutor Let the record show the defendant is speaking metaphorically.

 

HOYT AXTON Actually I was speaking euphorically, but we’ll do this your way.

 

Prosecutor: In your opinion, do you believe that the person responsible for this euphoria has any regrets about his alleged involvement?

 

HOYT AXTON The pusher don't care if you live or if you die

 

Prosecutor: If it were in your power to ask for assistance in dealing with this problem, whom would you ask?

 

HOYT AXTON God.


Prosecutor: And what would you suggest God do?

 

HOYT AXTON God, damn the Pusher

 

Prosecutor For the record, would you repeat your request?


HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man


Prosecutor: In your experience have you even known a female to participate in this activity?


HOYT AXTON You know the dealer. The dealer is a man with the love grass in his hand

 

Prosecutor: Are you trying to insinuate that I personally am acquainted with this “dealer?”

 

Prosecutor: How does this “dealer” differ from the pusher?


HOYT AXTON Oh the pusher is a monster. Good God, he's not a natural man


Prosecutor: So you are you saying the pusher has artificially enhanced himself through HGH and other steroids, as have most professional athletes?

 

Prosecutor: Let’s proceed to the cost of engaging in this activity.

 

HOYT AXTON The dealer for a nickel will sell you lots of sweet dreams

 

Prosecutor: And this differs from the Pusher how?


HOYT AXTON The pusher ruins your body

 

Prosecutor: In your experience, has a person who engaged in this activity been able to coherently discuss his experience later?

 

HOYT AXTON Lord, he'll leave your mind to scream


Prosecutor: Again, for the record, please tell the court what you would suggest be done by a higher power, no matter what you perceive him to be?

 

HOYT AXTON God, damn the Pusher


Prosecutor: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Would you say it again?


HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man


Prosecutor If Mr. Obama should happen to call you to the White House to discuss this matter, what advice do you have for him?


HOYT AXTON Well, now if I were the President of this land, you know, I'd declare total war on the Pusher man

 

Prosecutor: In the unlikely event that this was to take place, how would you handle the Pusher?


HOYT AXTON I'd cut him if he stands, and I'd shoot him if he'd run

 

Prosecutor: You would do that?

 

HOYT AXTON Yes.

Prosecutor: Anything else you would do?

 


HOYT AXTON I'd kill him with my Bible and my razor and my gun


Prosecutor: Would you repeat one final time what you said earlier in reference to your Higher Power?


HOYT AXTON I said God, damn the Pusher man


Prosecutor: I have no further questions, you may fall down

 

 

This concludes our program tonight on WTIM. Our special guest has been Mr. Hoyt Axton discussing his opinions on how to deal with the drug problem in this country.

 

A program note: On upcoming shows on WTIM we will be conducting a series of interviews with notable public figures, including Hamlet, John Lennon, Paul McCartney and others. For the homemakers in the audience we will have a very interesting talk with Lady Macbeth in which she shares some timely tips on spot removal. Be sure to stay tuned.

 

This is Tim Culey reminding those out and about on the highways and byways heading home after the long Labor Day weekend, drivers are safer when the roads are dry, but EVERYONE is safer when the drivers are dry.

Good night, and good luck.

 

 

In case you forgot where you ledt it this should take you back to Creative Riters

Impossible dream?

Is there something just too difficult to understand about peace and taking care of our planet?

Humble ... Creative Challenge #266

There will always be those who are flamboyant

They choose to fly about seemingly at random

Their egocentric love of self is often quite blatant

Sometimes they travel alone sometime in tandem

 

They don’t use Twitter or Facebook to communicate

Their body language is the means to justify their ends

Their excursions far and wide often temp fate

Seldom do they apologize or make amends

 

It can be said their behavior seems inconsiderate

They go about their business acting brashly

But at least one I know is extremely moderate

You might even go so far to say he is a humble bee.

 

Tim D. Culey -2013-

 

 

Don’t just hang around the hive, buzz on over to Creative Challenge

Colorful ... Creative Challenge #265

He was a giant of a man, this man among men

He weighed 425 and stood six feet ten

His arms were as big around as phone poles

But you never met a kinder or gentler soul.

 

Everybody called him “Smitty” though not his name

He swung large hammers before an open flame.

He was really quite the remarkable fellow

The flames burned hot when he worked the bellow.

 

When your horse needed to be shod

It was Smitty who was given the nod

If finally happened causing oh such woe

Smitty dropped an anvil right on his toe.

 

Smitty was a man of very few words

Carefully chosen so as not to sound absurd

Some thought him shy or maybe bashful

In his pain, his words became quite colorful.

 

Tim D. Culey -2013-

Don’t be sore, just hop on back to  Creative Challenge

The Truth About Billie Joe

When Billie Joe McAlister was still quite young and growing up in Mississippi, he married a widow.

This widow had a grown daughter.

Billie Joe’s father fell in love with her, and soon they, too, were wed.

This made Billie Joe’s dad his son-in-law because he was married to Billie Jo’s daughter.

His daughter was his mother, because she was his father's wife.

To complicate the matter, he soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy whose name was Taylor, but was called “Bro” as was the fashion in Miss in those days.

His little baby then became a brother-in-law to his Dad, and so became Billie Jo’s uncle, and if he was his uncle, then that also made him brother of the widow's grown daughter, who, of course, was Billie Jo’s stepmother.

Billie Jo’s father's wife then had a son and he became Billie Jo’s grandchild, because he was his daughter's son.

Billie Jo’s wife is now his mother's mother, and although she is his wife, she's his grandmother, too.

Now if his wife is his grandmother, then he is her grandchild,
As husband of his grandmother, Billie Jo is his own grandpa!

When Bro Taylor first revealed this news, Billie Joe disappeared for some time to mull it over.

He ended up in Callahan’s Bar and discussed it with Jake and the others.
They were quite pleased and one by one toed the line, made a toast and tossed their glasses into the fireplace.

Billie Jo went back to Choctaw Ridge and discovered he had one of Callahan’s shot glasses in his pocket.

Carroll County was dry and he was afraid of what would happen if he were seen with it, so lacking a proper fireplace, he stepped up to the Tallahatchie Bridge … made a toast and tossed the glass into the river.

Later on, he discovered he still had the shot glass but his pocket watch was missing, so jumped off the bridge shouting “tempus fugit” to try to find his watch.

A witness to this misunderstood what he had shouted, and thinking he had said, “Semper Fidelus” enlisted him in the Marine Corps and he was promptly sent to Viet Nam.

The standard of living was so much better there than what it had been in Mississippi, he stayed there.

He operates a bar now in Ho Chi Minh City where the patrons are all of varying nationalities.

He has built a replica of the Tallahatchie Bridge just outside the bar and the patrons have been known to have a drink or two and then dispose of something off the Tallahatchie Bridge.

Although you might have some suspicions to the contrary, I swear by my immoral soul every word is true.

Tallachie Bridge



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